From Someone Who’s Been There)
If you’ve recently been diagnosed with autism or suspect that you might be autistic, you probably have a million thoughts running through your head. What does this mean? Where do I even start? Am I really autistic, or am I just overthinking it?
First of all, take a deep breath. Maybe even two. (And if you’re like me, you’re probably overanalyzing whether your breath was deep enough—don’t worry, it was. haha) You’re not alone. Whether you’re self-diagnosed or have a formal diagnosis, understanding yourself through the lens of autism is a process, not an overnight realization. This guide is here to help you figure out what comes next.
Quick Advice to Get Started
- Your feelings are valid – Relief, confusion, grief, excitement—it’s all normal. Give yourself time to process.
- You don’t need to “prove” your autism – If you relate to autistic traits, that’s enough. Your experience is real.
- Unmasking is a choice – Drop the habits that hurt you, but only at a pace that feels safe.
- Accommodate yourself – If something makes life easier, use it. No guilt.
- Find autistic community – You are not alone. Others have walked this path and can offer support.
Redefining Your Past Through an Autistic Lens
A late diagnosis can make you rethink everything. Research shows that many late-diagnosed autistic adults go through a process similar to identity reconstruction, where they must unlearn internalized ableism and rebuild their self-perception. According to studies on neurodivergent identity development, self-acceptance plays a critical role in long-term mental well-being. You might feel:
- If I had known earlier, would I have been kinder to myself?
- Did I push myself too hard trying to meet expectations that weren’t meant for me?
- How much of who I am today is shaped by survival rather than authenticity?
These thoughts are normal, but they don’t have to lead to regret. I’ve been there—lying awake at night, replaying old conversations, wondering if I should have known sooner. But the past isn’t something to fix; it’s something to understand. Instead of mourning the past, use your diagnosis as a tool to understand it better. You weren’t “too sensitive” or “too weird”—you were navigating life with a different set of needs that no one told you about.
Embracing Self-Discovery Without the Mask if you want!
- Accept Yourself Fully – Autism is not something to fix; it’s how your brain works. Self-acceptance is the first step to real freedom.
- Make Your Own Research – Understanding autism became one of m<y personal interests. The more you learn, the more things start making sense.
- Be Your Own Advocate – Not everyone will understand autism, and that’s okay. Learn to ask for what you need and set boundaries without guilt.
- Not Everyone Needs to Know – Some people in my family don’t even know I’m autistic. For me, the diagnosis was more about understanding myself, not explaining it to others. Some people will never “get it,” so why waste energy trying to convince them?
Autistic adults often spend years masking—mimicking neurotypical behaviors to fit in. Research on masking shows that while it can help in certain social situations, long-term masking is linked to anxiety, depression, and autistic burnout. A study published in Autism in Adulthood highlights that unmasking, even in small ways, can significantly reduce stress levels and improve self-esteem.—mimicking neurotypical behaviors to fit in. Now, you get to ask: What parts of me are real, and what parts were survival strategies?
- Unmasking doesn’t have to be dramatic—nobody is expecting you to rip off a metaphorical mask like a superhero in a big reveal scene (though, honestly, that would be cool). – Start by allowing small comforts, like wearing noise-canceling headphones or taking breaks when needed.
- Explore your real preferences – What foods, fabrics, and routines feel best to you?
- Give yourself permission to say no – If socializing drains you, it’s okay to step back.
Building a Life That Works for You
- Modify your environment – Soft lighting, noise control, and routines can make a huge difference.
- Adjust work life – If possible, seek flexible work, written communication, and breaks to avoid burnout.
- Reassess relationships – Surround yourself with people who respect your needs and boundaries.
Moving Forward Without Guilt
A late diagnosis doesn’t mean you lost time—it means you finally have the right script for the role you’ve been playing your whole life. And now? You get to rewrite it on your terms. Psychologists studying late-diagnosed autistic adults emphasize that self-compassion is key. Instead of grieving the years spent not knowing, view this moment as an opportunity to create a life that truly works for you.—it means you finally have the right script for the role you’ve been playing your whole life. And now? You get to rewrite it on your terms.—it means you finally have the knowledge to live life on your terms. You don’t have to make up for the past. You don’t have to “prove” your autism. You just have to exist as you are, without apology.
Take your time. Learn what feels right. And remember—your diagnosis doesn’t change who you are. It just gives you permission to be yourself, fully and without shame.
