First of All, It’s a Lot to Process
Finding out you’re autistic as an adult is a mix of emotions. One moment, everything makes sense—your struggles, your quirks, the exhaustion from masking. The next, you’re hit with a wave of questions: Why didn’t I know sooner? What does this change? How do I move forward? It’s a lot. And that’s okay.
I’ve been there. At first, I felt validated (Finally, I understand myself!), but soon after, I grieved all the years I spent struggling without knowing why. The burnout, the exhaustion, the times I thought something was just wrong with me—it was all autism. Knowing that helped, but it also left me wondering: What now?
If you’re in that place right now, take a deep breath. Let’s figure it out together.
The Emotional Whirlwind of a Late Diagnosis
A late autism diagnosis isn’t just an answer—it’s a shift in perspective. You might feel:
- Relief – Finally, you have an explanation. You weren’t imagining your struggles.
- Grief – For all the years you spent struggling without the right support.
- Anger – At the systems that failed you, at people who dismissed your struggles, or even at yourself for not realizing sooner (even though it was never your fault!).
- Doubt – The imposter syndrome hits hard. Am I really autistic? Do I fit the stereotype? What if I’m wrong?
- Excitement – Because now, you can start living in a way that actually works for you.
These emotions don’t come in order, and they might loop back unexpectedly. That’s normal. Processing this diagnosis takes time.
Autism Is a Spectrum & Self-Diagnosis Is Valid
Autism exists on a spectrum, meaning there’s no single way to be autistic. The spectrum isn’t a straight line from “mild” to “severe”—it’s more like a color wheel, with different strengths and challenges varying from person to person. There are three recognized levels of support needs:
- Level 1 – Requires minimal support, but still faces significant challenges with executive function, sensory sensitivities, and social interactions.
- Level 2 – Requires more substantial support, often struggling with daily life routines, processing sensory input, and communication.
- Level 3 – Requires the most support, often involving limited speech and a strong need for structured environments.
Autism isn’t a disorder or something to be fixed—it’s simply a different way the brain processes information, emotions, and the world. It affects how we experience sensory input, communicate, and navigate life. Understanding this can help shift the focus from ‘what’s wrong with me?’ to ‘how does my brain work best?’
Not everyone has access to a formal diagnosis. The process can be expensive, time-consuming, or filled with professionals who still rely on outdated stereotypes. But self-diagnosis is valid.
I was self-diagnosed before getting my formal diagnosis, and honestly, I already knew. A piece of paper didn’t make me autistic—the way my brain works did. You can’t fake sensory sensitivities. You can’t fake autistic burnout or the way your brain processes information differently. You can’t fake struggling with social exhaustion, executive dysfunction, or needing routines just to function.
Some people question self-diagnosis, but the reality is that many autistic adults, especially women and marginalized groups, were overlooked as children. If identifying as autistic helps you understand yourself and navigate life better, that’s what matters.
What Now? How to Navigate This New Understanding
Once the initial wave of emotions settles, you might start wondering: What do I do with this information? Here’s where to start:
1. Unlearn the Stereotypes
Autism isn’t just about being nonverbal or obsessed with trains. Many of us grew up thinking autism looked one way, only to realize later that it was much broader. Now’s the time to unlearn those myths.
Where to start:
- Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price
- Divergent Mind by Jenara Nerenberg
- Autistic creators and advocates online (but be wary of harmful “cure” narratives—autism isn’t something to fix!).
2. Understand How Autism Shows Up in Your Life
Your diagnosis isn’t just a label—it’s a tool. Start paying attention to how autism affects you daily. Ask yourself:
- What sensory inputs overwhelm or soothe me?
- When do I mask the most, and how does it affect me?
- What routines or accommodations make my life easier?
The more you understand your own patterns, the easier it is to create a life that actually works for you.
3. Find Your Community
One of the best things you can do is connect with other autistic adults. Suddenly, all those “weird” things you thought were just you? Turns out, they’re common. You’re not alone.
Good places to start:
- r/AutisticAdults on Reddit
- Local or online support groups for late-diagnosed adults\Be careful not to fall into extreme or radical groups—it’s easy to get lost in internet rabbit holes. Stay grounded, stay yourself, especially if you know you’re easily influenced.
4. Adapt Your Life to Work for You
Now that you know you’re autistic, you don’t have to force yourself to live the neurotypical way. Give yourself permission to:
- Say no to social events that drain you.
- Use tools to manage executive dysfunction (timers, visual schedules, reminders).
- Set up a sensory-friendly space that actually feels good.
- Unmask in safe spaces and go at your own pace.
This diagnosis isn’t about changing who you are—it’s about finally living in a way that honors who you’ve always been.
Final Thoughts: Autism Is Part of You, But It’s Not All of You
A late autism diagnosis is life-changing, but it’s not the final destination—it’s the beginning of truly understanding yourself. Some days, it will feel overwhelming. But it can also be freeing.
You don’t have to “prove” your autism to anyone. You don’t have to justify why you struggle with things others find easy. You’re autistic, and that’s reason enough to give yourself grace.
But remember—autism is part of you, not all of you. You are still your own unique person with interests, passions, and a personality beyond the label. Don’t let it define every part of your identity. Take your time, explore what works for you, and build a life that reflects all of who you are.
And most importantly, remember—you’re not alone in this.
