What Is Masking?

Masking is a strategy often used by autistic people to adapt to neurotypical social norms. It might look like:

• Forcing eye contact even when it feels uncomfortable.
• Suppressing natural stims, such as tapping or rocking.
• Mimicking other people’s expressions, gestures, or speech patterns.
• Overthinking conversations to avoid making a perceived mistake.

While masking can sometimes be useful—like during a job interview—doing it constantly can lead to burnout, anxiety, depression, and a sense of losing your true self. A 2019 study in Autism in Adulthood highlighted the link between chronic masking and mental health challenges.

Why Should You Start Unmasking?

Unmasking is about more than just dropping the act. It’s about reconnecting with who you are and living authentically. Here are some benefits:

1. Rediscovering Your Identity

Masking can make it hard to know where the performance ends and the real you begins. Unmasking allows you to explore what you truly enjoy, value, and believe.

2. Reducing Stress and Burnout

Constantly monitoring and adjusting your behavior is exhausting. Unmasking helps free up that energy for things that genuinely matter to you.

3. Building Genuine Connections

People can’t connect with a mask. By being yourself, you’ll attract relationships that are built on mutual understanding and acceptance.

How to Start Unmasking

Unmasking is a journey, not a sprint. Here’s how to take the first steps:

1. Recognize When and Why You Mask

Pay attention to situations where you feel the need to mask. Ask yourself:

• What’s triggering this behavior? (e.g., work, social gatherings)
• How does masking make me feel in the moment and afterward?

Understanding these patterns is the first step to changing them.

2. Start in Low-Stakes Environments

Choose safe spaces to practice being yourself. This could mean:

• Allowing yourself to stim at home or around trusted friends.
• Being honest about not understanding a joke or social cue.
• Expressing your sensory preferences, like needing dim lighting or quiet spaces.

3. Find a Supportive Community

Connecting with others who understand your experience can make unmasking less intimidating. Online communities like r/AutisticAdults or local neurodivergent groups can provide encouragement and practical advice.

4. Be Patient and Kind to Yourself

Unmasking can feel vulnerable, and progress isn’t always linear. Celebrate small wins and give yourself grace when things feel hard.

Facing the Fear of Judgment

At some point in my life, I was masking so much that I didn’t even know who I really was. What did I actually love? What was my real personality? There were days when I felt like I was out of my body, like I was watching myself from the outside. It sounds strange, but it was a very real and unsettling feeling. Even now, I sometimes catch myself slipping back into that state.

By the way, you don’t have to take the Kanye West approach and stop smiling altogether as part of unmasking. I suspect—just a theory—that it might have been his way of unmasking. We all smiley for no reason sometimes, and let’s be honest, it can be exhausting. Haha!

It’s natural to worry about how others will react to the real you. Here’s how to address those fears:

1. Acknowledge That Everyone Has Quirks

No one is as “normal” as they seem. Your unique traits are just part of the rich diversity of human experiences.

2. Educate Your Inner Circle

Help the people closest to you understand autism and the challenges of masking. When they know more, they’re more likely to support you.

3. Accept That Not Everyone Will Understand

Not everyone will get it—and that’s okay. Focus on building relationships with people who appreciate you as you are.

Unmasking Is About Balance

Unmasking doesn’t mean you have to abandon every coping strategy or act without filters. It’s about giving yourself the freedom to decide when and where to be authentic, based on your comfort and needs.

Common Behaviors That Autistic Individuals Tend to Mask

Autistic individuals often mask behaviors that they feel might not align with neurotypical expectations. Here are a few additional examples not covered earlier:

• Laughing at jokes they don’t find funny to avoid seeming out of place.
• Suppressing emotions like frustration or excitement to appear more “neutral.”
• Adjusting their natural speech patterns, such as speaking more quietly or formally than feels natural.
• Avoiding asking questions for fear of being seen as “difficult.”
• Feigning understanding in conversations to prevent awkwardness.
• Smiling for no apparent reason, even when it feels unnatural.
• Avoiding personal interests in conversations to seem more “relatable.”
• Over-apologizing or downplaying personal needs to avoid drawing attention.
• Using scripted phrases or rehearsed speech in social interactions.
• Holding back laughter or natural reactions to avoid standing out.

References:

1. Hull, L., et al. (2017). “Masking and Mental Health in Autism.” Autism in Adulthood.
2. National Autistic Society (NAS) – “Understanding Masking.”
3. r/AutisticAdults – Reddit Community for Autistic Adults.

• Smiling for no apparent reason, even when it feels unnatural.
• Avoiding personal interests in conversations to seem more “relatable.”
• Over-apologizing or downplaying personal needs to avoid drawing attention.
• Using scripted phrases or rehearsed speech in social interactions.
• Holding back laughter or natural reactions to avoid standing out.