First of All, You Were Doing Your Best
If you’ve ever looked back at your past self and cringed, you’re not alone babe. (I do that way to often hehe) Maybe you replay old conversations, overanalyze social missteps, or feel embarrassed about the way you acted in certain situations. Maybe you think, Why was I so weird? Why couldn’t I just be normal?
I get it. I’ve been there. But here’s the truth: You were never weird—you were just autistic in a world that didn’t understand you.
The Weight of Self-Judgment
As autistic adults, many of us carry years of self-judgment. We spent so much time masking, trying to fit in, or feeling like we were getting life “wrong.” We internalized shame for things that were just part of who we are.
One moment that still lingers for me is when I first tried to express my opinion in a conversation. I spent most of my childhood with selective mutism and only started speaking to people outside my close family at 15. One day, a friend asked me about abortion. I had never discussed it before, had no strong opinion, and simply voiced a thought about life and death cycles in nature—something that made sense to me at the time. Her reaction? She looked me dead in the eyes and said, “How can you say something so stupid?” I was humiliated. It was the first time anyone had ever asked for my opinion on something—and it ended with me feeling like I should have just stayed silent.
Moments like these stick with us. They make us question our worth, our intelligence, our ability to interact “correctly” with the world. But looking back, I realize that I wasn’t stupid—I was just someone who had spent years observing instead of participating, suddenly thrown into a conversation I wasn’t prepared for. And that’s okay. My younger self was doing their best with the information they had.
As autistic adults, many of us carry years of self-judgment. We spent so much time masking, trying to fit in, or feeling like we were getting life “wrong.” We internalized shame for things that were just part of who we are.
- Maybe you didn’t understand certain social norms and got laughed at for it.
- Maybe you were “too intense” about your special interests and people made fun of you.
- Maybe you struggled with emotional regulation and were told you were being dramatic.
- Maybe you masked so well that people assumed you were fine—even when you weren’t.
Looking back, it’s easy to be harsh on yourself. But that version of you was surviving the best way they knew how. And they deserve your kindness, not your criticism.
Forgiving Your Past Self
I used to beat myself up over things I said or did. I’d get these intense flashbacks of awkward or painful moments and spiral into shame. But over time, I changed my approach. I realized I wouldn’t speak to a child I love—like my nieces or nephews—the way I was speaking to myself. If they made a mistake, I wouldn’t call them stupid, I’d help them understand and encourage them to keep going. So why wouldn’t I do the same for my past self?
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It means recognizing that your past self didn’t have the tools, knowledge, or support that you do now. It means seeing yourself through a lens of compassion instead of regret.
1. Acknowledge That You Were Operating Without a Guide
You weren’t given the manual for being autistic in a neurotypical world. You figured things out the hard way—through trial and error, through pain, through moments of feeling like an outsider. That’s not failure; that’s resilience.
2. Understand That Masking Was a Survival Tactic
If you spent years hiding parts of yourself to fit in, don’t blame yourself for it. Masking kept you safe in environments where being your true self wasn’t always an option. Now, you have the choice to unmask at your own pace.
3. Recognize That Growth Comes From Self-Acceptance
Your past self brought you to where you are now. They endured so you could have the understanding you do today. Instead of feeling embarrassed about them, thank them. Without their struggles, you wouldn’t be the person you are now.
You Were Never Broken
So many autistic adults grow up thinking there’s something inherently wrong with them. That they’re “too much” or “not enough” at the same time. But the truth is, you were never broken. You were never the problem.
You were a child trying to navigate a world that wasn’t built for you. You were a teenager trying to make sense of social rules that felt confusing. You were an adult pushing through exhaustion just to keep up. And now, you’re here—learning, growing, embracing yourself. That’s something to be proud of.
Moving Forward with Self-Compassion
- Instead of cringing at past moments, reframe them: That was me doing my best with what I knew at the time.
- Instead of wishing you had “acted normal,” remind yourself: Normal was never the goal. Being me is.
- Instead of carrying regret, choose to offer yourself the understanding that you always deserved.
I still cringe at things I’ve said, but now, I can usually laugh about it instead of spiraling into self-hate. I try to remind myself that I am not my past mistakes. I am someone who is constantly learning. And honestly? I’m just a pattern—one that repeats, grows, and shifts over time. And that’s okay.
You are not weird. You are you. And that is more than enough.
So take a deep breath, let go of the past, and move forward with kindness—for the person you were, the person you are, and the person you’re becoming.
